In the last few days, I’ve read a couple posts that talk about how we are too hard on ourselves and how we should just stop beating ourselves up. And last weekend I was talking to a dear friend and she was commenting on how self deprecating I am. It got me thinking about whether or not these negative thoughts were good for me or if they were just defeating. In general, a little self criticism isn’t harmful. It’s good to push oneself. But I tend to take it a little too far because after any accomplishment, I add a “but” as a qualifier. I am really good at using that “but.” I can justify things amazingly well (I ate that whole cake BUT I really needed to plump up my rear end) and on the flip side, I slay any accomplishment that I have with a BUT:
- I did six loads of laundry today BUT I didn’t iron shirts.
- I swept and mopped the whole house today BUT I didn’t dust so it’s not perfect
- I managed multi-million dollar budgets BUT anyone could do that
- I made dinner tonight BUT it was only pasta
- I ran a marathon BUT I was really slow
- I gave Super S a bath today BUT I didn’t give her a massage
- I read Miss K six books today BUT I didn’t do any crafts or projects with her.
- I support my husband BUT actually I’m a really bad wife
- I called my mom today BUT didn’t ask about my grandma
- I got a lot of compliments on the speech I gave at my bestie’s wedding BUT I still forgot to say a couple things
I could go on all day. Really. It’s a problem. I was reading this post by the The Bloggess and I loved how easily you can change your perspective and feel good. So I decided to do what she did and re-evaluate my statements and do what I don’t do enough of – say just a little and leave it at that.
- I did six loads of laundry today
BUT I didn’t iron shirts. - I swept and mopped the whole house today
BUT I didn’t dust so it’s not perfect - I managed multi-million dollar budgets
BUT I didn’t really have to stick to the budget - I made dinner tonight
BUT it was only pasta. - I ran a marathon
BUT I was really slow - I gave Super S a bath today
BUT I didn’t give her a massage - I read Miss K six books today
BUT I didn’t do any crafts or projects with her. - I support my husband
BUT actually I’m a really bad wife - I called my mom today
BUT didn’t ask about my grandma - I got a lot of compliments on the speech I gave at my bestie’s wedding
BUT I still forgot to say a couple things
Well, shit. That feels a lot better, doesn’t it? I would never, ever, ever dismiss a friend’s accomplishments in this way and yet I do it to myself a million times a day. That’s pretty crappy. One of the companies that I follow on Facebook (I’ll let you guess which one. Here’s a hint: I talk about them all the time. Here’s another: it rhymes with beebliapers.) asked for people to give a kind word or short phrase about themselves and I came up with “understanding.” What’s your kind word?
And then while thinking about this blog post, I realized I had something wonderful to state that I don’t have anything to cross out of. This next statement makes me so happy and fulfilled and thankful and leaves me with a tremendous sense of well-being.
My daughters are happy and healthy.
PERIOD.