BUT-insky

In the last few days, I’ve read a couple posts that talk about how we are too hard on ourselves and how we should just stop beating ourselves up.  And last weekend I was talking to a dear friend and she was commenting on how self deprecating I am.  It got me thinking about whether or not these negative thoughts were good for me or if they were just defeating.  In general, a little self criticism isn’t harmful.  It’s good to push oneself.  But I tend to take it a little too far because after any accomplishment, I add a “but” as a qualifier.  I am really good at using that “but.”  I can justify things amazingly well (I ate that whole cake BUT I really needed to plump up my rear end) and on the flip side, I slay any accomplishment that I have with a BUT:

  • I did six loads of laundry today BUT I didn’t iron shirts.
  • I swept and mopped the whole house today BUT I didn’t dust so it’s not perfect
  • I managed multi-million dollar budgets BUT anyone could do that
  • I made dinner tonight BUT it was only pasta
  • I ran a marathon BUT I was really slow
  • I gave Super S a bath today BUT I didn’t give her a massage
  • I read Miss K six books today BUT I didn’t do any crafts or projects with her.
  • I support my husband BUT actually I’m a really bad wife
  • I called my mom today BUT didn’t ask about my grandma
  • I got a lot of compliments on the speech I gave at my bestie’s wedding BUT I still forgot to say a couple things

I could go on all day.  Really.  It’s a problem.  I was reading this post by the The Bloggess and I loved how easily you can change your perspective and feel good.  So I decided to do what she did and re-evaluate my statements and do what I don’t do enough of – say just a little and leave it at that.

  • I did six loads of laundry today BUT I didn’t iron shirts.
  • I swept and mopped the whole house today BUT I didn’t dust so it’s not perfect
  • I managed multi-million dollar budgets BUT I didn’t really have to stick to the budget
  • I made dinner tonight BUT it was only pasta.
  • I ran a marathon BUT I was really slow
  • I gave Super S a bath today BUT I didn’t give her a massage
  • I read Miss K six books today BUT I didn’t do any crafts or projects with her.
  • I support my husband BUT actually I’m a really bad wife
  • I called my mom today BUT didn’t ask about my grandma
  • I got a lot of compliments on the speech I gave at my bestie’s wedding BUT I still forgot to say a couple things

Well, shit.  That feels a lot better, doesn’t it?  I would never, ever, ever dismiss a friend’s accomplishments in this way and yet I do it to myself a million times a day.  That’s pretty crappy.  One of the companies that I follow on Facebook (I’ll let you guess which one.  Here’s a hint: I talk about them all the time.  Here’s another: it rhymes with beebliapers.) asked for people to give a kind word or short phrase about themselves and I came up with “understanding.”  What’s your kind word?

And then while thinking about this blog post, I realized I had something wonderful to state that I don’t have anything to cross out of.  This next statement makes me so happy and fulfilled and thankful and leaves me with a tremendous sense of well-being.

My daughters are happy and healthy.

PERIOD.

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