In my last post, I mentioned how I had fallen far off the wagon and was feeling kind of out of sorts.  I’m nowhere near out of the woods with that but I’m thinking I’m going to find my way out soon.  Here’s the big reason (or maybe it’s an excuse) why I fell so hard off the wagon:  I’m preggers.  Yay!  We’re having another baby.

Miss K. has fulfilled every maternal need I’ve ever had.  I’m fully satisfied as a mother.  She’s wonderful…funny, fun, sweet, curious, smart, loving, adventurous, beautiful.  But for her sake, we wanted to have more kids.  Your siblings are the only ones who can truly appreciate how crazy your parents are.  They understand why you’re scared of snakes and in my and my husband’s cases, we know, in our hearts, that our siblings are the ones who will stand by our sides if ever we needed them.  Once parents go, your siblings are your people.  So we decided to try to have another baby.  We were lucky.  Like last time, it took us about three months to get pregnant.

Last time, my period was over a week and a half late before I took a pregnancy test (not really expecting it to come back positive).  This time, I found myself lying the hallway outside my daughter’s room with this nauseous feeling and having the thought “I think I’m pregnant.”  But it was still four days before my period was even to start (and I’m not the most regular person) so I didn’t know if I should even bother.  But I did.  I peed on the stick and waited.  When I found out I was pregnant with Karina, the positive line showed before the pee had even crossed the entire window.  This time, there was no line right away.  So I left the test there and kind of forgot about it until about 10-15 minutes later and I said “Oh ya!  I should go double check.”  I saw a faint line.  So I snapped a picture and texted it to my husband and anxiously awaited his call.  He didn’t call.  Because he didn’t get the text (stupid Google voice).  So I called him.  Excitement!  We made an appointment with my Primary Care Physician a couple days later and I peed in a cup.  And waited for her to come in.  She came in and said “My nurse showed me your test results and told me I would have to tell you you’re not pregnant” and of course I got a sad look on my face because then she shook her head and said “but I told her to wait because you know if you’re pregnant or not!  Congratulations!”  Apparently because it was still so early, the test needed a little more time to confirm the hormones (I guess they were still weak at that point).

Our first trimester was rough, which is why so much fell apart.  With Karina, I had some nausea and a daily vomit.  With this baby, I was nauseous all day long, vomiting about every other day, and exhausted!  I’ve felt pretty crummy for a while now.  I threw up three times while out and about and that’s really uncomfortable.  Once while I was driving.  I had to pull over and hurl.  Another time I was in the car with my poor husband.  Another time I was in the middle of eating a sandwich in an outdoor courtyard so on top of throwing up in the middle of a meal, I was self conscious because I couldn’t make it to a bathroom fast enough and barfed in a garbage can.  Luckily it was kind of out of the way so I think only maybe a couple people thought maybe I was throwing up.  Gross.

My progesterone dipped like it did the first time so they put me on the dreaded supplements.  I hate those things but got through them.  They’re also treating me as a diabetic this time so I’m on a modified diet already.  I’m not sticking to it really but I’m being cognizant of what I eat and I’m monitoring my blood glucose levels.

So that’s all the rough stuff.  On to the good stuff!  I’m now 15 weeks (phew, we’ve made it past the most common timeframe for miscarriages!) and based on the NT scan and blood tests, the baby is showing all signs of normalcy.  According to babycenter.com, Babycakes is about the size of a lemon and can clench its fist and maybe pee.  The morning sickness is wearing off and I’m regaining some energy.  I’m only nauseous sometimes instead of all the time!  My baby bump popped way earlier than last time…I can’t wear my jeans anymore so I’m wearing stretchy pants already (Score!)  We’ve seen the baby in two ultrasounds so far…our baby has a nose and a little mouth and feet and we got to see it move around!  The neonatologist wasn’t able to discern if the baby is a girl or a boy yet so we’re going to have to wait a few more weeks to see if we can find out at the next ultrasound.  I’m guessing girl based on my symptoms.  Ideally I’d love to have one of each but I think it would be beyond precious to have two little girls.  The good news is that we’ll win either way.  We’re excited!

I can’t lie though…I’m a little scared too.  I’m scared of having a hard time being pregnant for the next six months (and all the things that come along with being preg-o).  I’m scared of having a newborn again and being exhausted.  I’m scared I won’t be able to handle a toddler and a newborn.  I’m scared I’m not doing everything right for this second baby.  And that Karina won’t get the attention she deserves when the second baby comes.  And that I’m 36 and something’s going to go wrong.  Scared.  But happy.  And oh so thankful to be pregnant, despite the discomfort and misery of the first couple months.  I know I’m going to love this baby.  Actually I already love this baby.

Sigh.  So that’s what’s been occupying my time lately.  I couldn’t really cook without feeling like I was going to hurl all over the food and frankly I was tired.  So we’ve been eating out a lot.  And I wanted a lot of Fritos.  So I ate them.  Fritos sound delicious right now.  Maybe I’ll buy a bag and eat them over the course of a few weeks.  I lost the dryer balls I made when they hauled away our old dryer.  I do drink soda sometimes (usually no more than 4 oz or so and it’s always Dr. Pepper that gets me!).  I’ve eaten a lot of fast food lately…I just wanted/needed chicken nuggets.  Yikes.  Karina’s had a rash and the doctor recommended that she wear disposables for a while.  So she hasn’t been wearing her gdiapers.  And she’s now grown into the large size of gdiapers (sniff sniff, my baby’s growing up).  All her best diapers are in the medium size though!  Oh well, I’m hoping to start potty training her soon.

On the flip side of things, my husband has gone vegan.  So he’s eating great and I’m so proud of him.  He’s been vegan for 7 weeks now and doesn’t miss meat or any animal products!  I should join him on that.  But it won’t happen for a while.  This week I’m trying to cook at home again.  Depending on how I feel next week, I’m going to try to start walking for exercise and my sister- and brother-in-law got me prenatal yoga classes for my birthday so I want to start that too.  We’re going to get back on track, I swear!