The following gross events may or may not (but they may have) have occurred over the last week with my toddler. Read them and leave a comment and guess which are facts and which are fiction. I’ll reveal the truth tomorrow:
Grody Gross-Out #1: As Miss K and I are eating lunch, I feed her a piece of pasta with veggies. She sneezes…her veggies…and her pasta…all over me…As I wipe myself off, I see her sneeze again. This time since her mouth is now empty and cannot spew objects, snot comes out of her nose and before I can get to it, rolls into her mouth. What can I do?
Grody Gross-Out #2: Miss K. wakes up chipper and happy. I change her wet diaper and go to put it away in the bathroom. While I pee, Miss K comes into the bathroom, looks at me, looks away off into a distant gaze and suddenly the bathroom smells much worse than it did before she arrived. I go change her diaper (second time in seriously three minutes) and discover a ball of poop the size of a racketball inside her diaper. How is this even possible?
Grody Gross-out #3: I’ve been trying to get Miss K. comfortable with the potty so occasionally I sit her down on it and grunt to help communicate what gets done on the potty. It’s an elimination communication thing. Since she’s full of mischief, I have to keep the door open while I pee so I can keep an eye on her. The other day while I was peeing, she saunters in, looks me in the eye and starts grunting. Apparently she’s the one telling me what to do on the potty. I usurp her authority and just pee.
Grody Gross-Out #4: Miss K. loves oatmeal so I make it for her a few times each week for breakfast. Sometimes while she’s eating, she likes to sing and make noise. Sometimes, somehow, her hands end up in her mouth as she sings. Well, she did this with her mouth full of oatmeal. Then she went on to rub her ears, eyes, and try to pull out her pigtails. Awesome. Oatmeal everywhere.
Grody Gross-Out #5: Miss K. throws scrambled eggs on the floor and sometimes shoves them under her thigh in her booster seat. Gross.
Grody Gross-Out #6: When Miss K. eats blueberries, her poo is purple.
Grody Gross-Out #7: Miss K tries to put her hand in the toilet bowl. She’s gotten close to splashing in the water and touching poop.
Grody Gross-Out #8: Miss K licked a chair at the pediatrician’s office.
Grody Gross-Out #9: Miss K puts sand in her mouth. She practiced using a spoon with a shovel.
Grody Gross-Out #10: Miss K put her tongue on the handle of a shopping cart…that’s been touched by countless dirty-handed people.
Raising a toddler is dirty dirty business, I tell ya. Please note that I’ve tagged this post as “Lifestyle” because it is. Sadly, it’s *my* lifestyle.