Now I done did it.

It’s been a few days since I posted.  This is because I went and hurt myself doing something I’ve done a million times before.  I leaned down and picked up my 18 pound baby…and pulled a muscle in my lower back.  In my thirty-five years on this planet, I can’t remember every injuring my back.  Can I just state for the record – it hurts like a mofo.  It’s been an interesting thing, hurting my back.  It really has gotten me thinking about a few things…good luck following this thought process.  🙂

After my initial thought of “holy smokes, this hurts.  Really bad.  Did I mention it hurts really bad?,” and my second thought of “oh my goodness, my baby needs me, what am I going to do?,” my third thought was Realization #1: Screw me. I’m old and out of shape.  Hurting my back really makes me feel old.  And out of shape.  It’s true that I’m out of shape.  I haven’t worked out in literally years now.  The doctor we went to see (who was, by the way, mostly USELESS) mentioned that fatigued muscles are much more prone to injury.  I had been feeling creaky and sore this last week and I was getting over a cold and catching up on sleep.  I think all these things played a role in my injury.  The positive thing to come out of this is realization that I’m not going to be invincible.  I’ve been so so SO blessed to have a healthy and energetic life so far without putting much effort in to get that.  It is becoming painfully obvious that it’s no longer the case.  I will need to work for my health.  So I’m motivated now to get back into shape to help counteract my deteriorating (decrepit) body.  Dramatic, no?  Seriously though…between the bags and dark circles under my eyes, my poor posture, and my constant state of tired, I’m finally feeling my age.  It’s time to do something about it.  Time to start getting active and eating better.

Realization 2: My baby is ok without me picking her up.  I’ve only picked up Miss K a handful of times over the last few days.  And she seems ok.  She doodles over to me and comes over for some love but she’s not constantly crying in a corner (Nobody puts Baby in the corner!  Sorry, had to get that reference in) because I’m not picking her up.  Her dad’s been doing a great job taking care of her and I’ve been with her, just not carrying her around everywhere and she’s fine.  Absolutely fine.  I have mixed feelings about that but it’s good to know.  I learned something here.  She’s ok.

Realization 3: I married a wonderful man.  Well, this one isn’t really a realization but rather an affirmation of what I’ve known to be true for a long time.  My husband raced home within minutes of when I called him when I hurt my back and once again rescued me from myself.  He’s really really good at that.  He’s been doing it for years.  I really don’t know what I would do without him.  He has followed every instruction I’ve thrown at him from a lying down position without irritation, without attitude, and without fail.  He’s done an incredible job.  He’s fed us, consoled us, helped us sleep, and loved us unconditionally.  What would I do without him?  I just don’t want to think about that and hope I never have to.  I’m so lucky to have him and I hope Miss K. one day realizes how incredibly lucky she is to have him as her dad.  I don’t know that she’ll ever get how much he loves her.  I’m just so thankful and proud of my husband.  I get it because luckily I think Mr. Crunchycake and I get each other.  We’re like two crunchies in a munchie.

Realization 4: I’m lucky to have family support.  I’m really lucky to have family nearby.  On Friday, my husband had to go to work but my dad came and picked me up and brought me back to their house and my mom took care of me, my daughter and her mother, all at the same time.  She gave my baby a bath, put her down for her nap, sat her down on the toilet, changed her diaper, combed her hair.  My sister-in-law, who is less than a month away from having a baby kept asking what SHE could do to help ME.  She pushed my baby’s stroller today because she thought my back hurt.  How on earth did I get so damn lucky?

Realization 5: The one good thing about getting older, is that you get wiser.  When I was younger, my pride would have gotten in the way of me slowing down and resting to heal.  As stupid as it is, I would have brushed it off and probably would have gotten hurt all over again.  I tended to think of myself as invincible.  Now I know I need to rest because if I re-injure myself, it will be worse.  My baby needs me, I don’t want to be in this state chronically, and taking it easy now will make things better in the long run.  I NEEDED the rest I got on Thursday and Friday because I was hurt.  I admit it.  This is something new for me.

I’ve learned a lot in the last few days but luckily, most of it is positive stuff.  Don’t get me wrong.  Hurting your back sucks rotten eggs.  But at least there’s a silver lining on this gray cloud.

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